WHAT I AM LEARNING AS I COACH MINISTRY PIONEERS

 

Sometimes I feel a bit embarrassed that I have the blessing to work as a coach with some of the best, the brightest and most forward thinking leaders in western Christianity.  Let’s face it – the church is in a heap of trouble these days – but I remain really positive and hopeful because the slice of the pie I work with are those persons who are leaning forward into the new cultural realities, often coloring outside the lines, and taking the Gospel with them on that journey.  No babies getting throw out with yesterday’s bathwater!

My coaching clients are not smarter than the average clergy person.  They did not make all A’s in seminary and they didn’t necessarily make it through the ordination steeplechase unscathed.  But they are markedly different – and they give me hope on a daily basis for the future of Christianity.  Several of my clients have surprised everyone by what beautiful forms of faith community have emerged on their leadership watch.  Others are about to experience breakthrough that will be globally notable.  Most of them are not fully aware of this in the heat of the work.  A part of the joy of my work with them is seeing not the oncoming train-wreck, but the oncoming victory.

Lots of people ask, “Where can I find a good coach?”  I am looking the other direction, asking, “Who is ready to be coached to the next level?”  Here are ten things I have learned across the years:

(1) To get anything out of coaching, you have to want to be coached.  The highly fruitful people are more apt to lean in to the coaching.  This is a bit counter-intuitive.  You would think the most competent people would blow off asking for help.  But, no, the really competent ones not only ask for help, but they are willing to be honest and vulnerable about where they see their own challenges, stuck places and weaknesses.  And more often than not, they come prepared with agenda – ready to do the work.  Too often, when a district superintendent or a person overseeing a ministry grant requires coaching of a person, the one coached does not fully buy in.  If you (the coach) schedule 50 minutes for a coaching call, and the client has nothing left to talk about after 15, leaving you as coach to do the work, there is a good chance that this coaching relationship is a journey to nowhere.  (If I see this happen, I may refer a client to another coach to see if their engagement will increase.)

(2) Great clients have strong convictions.  I can help them further clarify convictions into vision – but strong leaders already have foundations – and they are stubborn in their convictions.  They know who they are, how they are called.  One of the best clients I ever had was a perfectionist.  He would go through the church straightening pictures on the wall.  We (the executive pastor and I) had to break him of that habit in order for him to focus his stubbornness on the things that mattered most – and to move him beyond the trap of becoming a micromanager.  He welcomed that journey – and he became a rock star.

(3) Self-awareness will vary some from one person to the next – but highly effective human beings have decent self-awareness.  Without this, any help that a coach could offer is minimized.  Sometimes I use an inventory like the Big 5 – and then watch to see the degree to which a client embraces or resists what is suggested in the report back to them

(4) As I get a sense of a particular person’s brilliance (and everyone has some sort of brilliance), I need to be sure that they are in touch with it – too often good people can minimize their brilliance.  It is my job as a coach to confront them when they do that.  And what a welcome confrontation this is – sometimes we see happy tears and empowerment occur right on a Zoom call, like a wilted plant that perks up before our eyes with just a little water.

(5) Often I can see immediately a road ahead for them (and their church) that they cannot yet see.  Of course, it is not my job as a coach to prescribe for them what I see – but to help them do that work themselves.  Nonetheless, I do see the possibilities, often much more easily from a distance.  This awareness –from a distance – that good things are going to unfold is perhaps the greatest gift I can offer.  If I see that they have spine, that they have conviction, and they are willing to do what it takes to live into a vision, then I can encourage them that something good will come of their work. I may not tell them what they need to do 1-2-3, but I can assure them – and encourage them to trust God and to trust their own competency. And sometimes, when they are blocked from seeing the obvious, I spell it out 1-2-3.   It’s a bit like when we teach our five year olds to jump into the pool.  We know they will float – they just have to learn it.

(6) When I am tempted to make a recommendation, or to put on my consulting hat, I often slow down and transpose the recommendation as a question.  For example, in a recent call, a person spoke of a type of small group that she was running – I thought the concept was brilliant but it was too narrowly focused.  I suppose I could just have said that.  But I chose to ask “What if” questions instead, what if you did this, what if you re-framed it like this, what might happen?  I left it with her to ponder.  Truth is that she knows her context better than I do – and the improved small group idea that emerges from our conversation will likely be better than what she was doing and better than what I would have recommended.

(7) When a conversation goes in a certain direction, I may recommend a book that has helped a lot of other people.  Or yesterday, a person had just discovered a widely appreciated book – and we agreed that she would finish it by next session and process it with me.   Of course, this means that I have to keep reading in the field.  It is very common when a client shares a podcast or author that they like, that I don’t know them.  It is my job to Google these names and resources after that call and take some notes, occasionally to order their book.

(8) Sometimes a client’s brilliance is not suited well for the ministry challenge before her.  This may arise early on as a question in the back of the coach’s mind – and the same question that may arise simultaneously within the client’s mind.  At some point, it is appropriate to ask a client, “What have you learned across the years about the situations in which you thrive?”  You may wish to explore whether or not this ministry challenge can be adjusted a bit, and re-framed in a way more likely to get a win from the leader in question.  But, at some point, it is fair to ask, “Are you feeling encouraged or disappointed at this point?”  And if the answer is disappointment, maybe the best coaching outcome is for a client to recognize that they have ended up with a challenge where they may not be able to get the ministry win everyone longs for.  Helping them process that, and to help them take the initiative in addressing it with their supervisor (DS, conference minister and/or parish council) may be the best way forward.

(9) A lot of people under pressure will just busy themselves up, doing things solo that they should be doing with others.  In their stress, they cut themselves off from the chance to build teams.  When I see them doing this, it is my job to observe, “You seem to be doing a lot of this work solo.  Let’s slow down here a moment and ask – are there not some folks who would love to help with this or that, if only we invited them?”

(10) Every coaching call, even with the best of folks, should end with the scheduling of the next call.  When we fail to do this, the chances are good that the client will get busy and not schedule the call in a timely manner.  If I have contracted for 12 coaching sessions, it is my job as a coach to monitor the number of sessions completed and to seek to complete the sessions, even if it runs past a 12-month term.

Any group of coaches could build on this list as they reflect on their work.  If you coach Christian leaders, what is one thing you might add to these ten lessons?  Is there one you might amend or adjust?