WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE IN YOUR COMMUNITY DECIDES TO TAKE YOU DOWN!!

Yes, you read the title correctly.  Increasingly my clients are running into people in their communities - sometimes in the church, other times in the wider community, in one case in one of the Fresh Expression groups - who are just hostile towards them.  Some (usually slight) thing sets them off, and as often as not, it is nothing the pastor did.  But once they go onto their holy tear, they may not wish to reason and  they may easily turn on anyone (pastor included) who tries to help them take down their anger.

There are some best practices to observe.

1. First, pastors, whoever is your manager - whether it be your SPRC chair or your superintendent - tell them what is happening as soon as possible.  Document with those in authority so that you do not face the hostile behavior alone.  I have joked over the years, that if I am up in a tree and I hear the saw on my limb - the most important thing is that my DS is with me on the same side of the saw.

1 1/2. If your system involves a safe-guarding officer, get a report to them too if possible, before any accuser reaches them!  And if they offer tips, take their guidance very seriously.

2. With input from trusted advisors, seek to meet with the hostile person along with a grace-filled witness.  Let them get their beef off their chest without constant interruption.  Agree in advance on what your position is with regard to their behavior.  Communicate this clearly - sometimes it is best for the witness who is with you to communicate this clearly.  In addition, please have two trusted prayer buddies praying throughout the meeting in real time ...for peace.

3. Do not lower yourself to base behavior.  Refuse to be triggered by ridiculous threats.  Love wins most of the time.  Not in every round.  But with love, and good common sense, you can bat 900.

4. Pray for those who may be making your life difficult.  Do not simply farm this out to your prayer buddies.  We ALL need practice in praying for enemies.  Pray for them and for those they love.  In this experience, God will help us discover possibilities we may not otherwise see.  Prayer builds compassion like barbells build biceps.

5. And while poor behavior should give great pause about putting such persons in any sort of leadership or decision making position, seek to find a way back to laughter and relaxed relationship with them, if this is possible.  In some cases, it will not be possible in the short run.  In other cases, laughter and peace is quite welcomed.

6. Take the experience and let God use it for good - learn from it, trust God in it, and discover how to thrive in difficult circumstances.  God’s grace is sufficient for you, in all seasons and experiences.  You can bank on that.  And you can relax.